


you were the song stuck in my head

by lucashemwow



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Smut, Mentions of self-harm, and ashton helps him, but its not creepy i promise, but its not too graphic i dont think, luke gets bullied, mentions of a past suicide, so i guess there is some violence in here, student!luke, teacher!ash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:24:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucashemwow/pseuds/lucashemwow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not for the first time, he wondered why the hell he was targeted for all of this bullying. Why all the other Grade 12 boys thought it was funny to beat him to a bloody pulp every day.</p><p>He coughed, feeling a small trickle of blood spill from the corner of his mouth. Carelessly, he wiped the back of his hand over it, smearing the blood across his cheek.</p><p>or, the one where luke is a little bit broken, and his teacher just wants to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you were the song stuck in my head

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Unholy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unholy/gifts), [merlypops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlypops/gifts).



> this is for marlon and katy bc i love them a lot <3 so this is for my queens who really wanted this fic. 
> 
> [title from favorite record by fall out boy.]
> 
>  _reminder:_ please do not post/repost any of the things i have written and posted without my permission, no matter the website or the circumstance.

Luke winced, pushing himself up from the ground, groaning when pain glared up in his ankle. Gritting his teeth, he braced himself against the lockers, gasping at the throbbing, aching pain in his stomach.

Not for the first time, he wondered why the hell he was targeted for all of this bullying. Why all the other Grade 12 boys thought it was funny to beat him to a bloody pulp every day.

He coughed, feeling a small trickle of blood spill from the corner of his mouth. Carelessly, he wiped the back of his hand over it, smearing the blood across his cheek.

He limped slowly over to the boys' bathroom, stopping often to cry out in pain, swiftly cleaning the blood off of his face. He frowned when he realised that there was nothing he'd be able to do about the slowly but obviously forming black eye.

The warning bell rang then, startling him. He cursed, grabbing his backpack and dashing to his next class, ignoring the screaming protests of his ankle and ribs. He had to get to class before Mr. Irwin did, or else this day would be even shittier.

He got to the door with mere seconds to spare, pushing into the class and letting the door fall closed just as the bell rang. He panted, raking his trembling hand through his hair, blinking back the black spots from his vision.

The entire class was silent, staring at him with laughing eyes. Luke blushed, ducking his head down, taking a step forward but hissing when he put his weight on his injured ankle.

"Are you okay, Luke?" Mr. Irwin looked concerned, putting his hand down from where he'd been writing something on the whiteboard.

Luke's cheeks flamed, and he nodded quickly, holding back tears when it made the dizzy feeling return. "Yes, sir, I'm alright."

He limped steadily to the back of the classroom, ignoring his teacher's worried looks at his back. He kept his head down, making sure to keep his black eye from sight. He didn't feel like explaining that right now.

Mr. Irwin looked skeptical, but nodded anyways, turning back to the board and finishing the word _Project_. The entire class collectively groaned.

Mr. Irwin chuckled, shaking his head. "It's not a hard project, guys, have a little bit of faith."

He crossed his arms, making the muscles in his arms bulge. Luke could practically feel the appreciation of all the girls around him, and he scoffed, though he knew he felt the same.

Mr. Irwin was absolutely gorgeous, in a sinful, angelic type of way. His face was open and soft, with a jaw sharp enough to cut through glass, and cheekbones to make any supermodel weep. His long, dark golden curls were sometimes pulled back away from his face, but often hung loose, messy from his hand always running through it. His eyes were this gorgeous golden hazel colour, and his body was toned and muscled, his thighs deliciously thick. His arms were definitely the best part, corded with muscled and strong.

(Luke couldn't help but daydream about those arms holding him up, but also holding him close, hugging him on the bad days.)

Mr. Irwin rolled his eyes. "All I want you guys to do is write me a paper on stereotypes within music. Write about how certain images and labels within the industry can influence a band or singer's success and fame."

Luke brightened up considerably, mind already wheeling with the possibilities for this project. He grinned, quickly jotting down a few of his ideas.

He was in a considerably better mood after that, even managing to block out the snickering of the kids behind him, probably at his expense. His notes were neat and thorough for once, not scribbled and stupid as they so often were.

When the bell rang, he quickly gathered his belongings, hurrying from the classroom to try and get to his next period without running into the boys from earlier. He barely managed a weak, "Have a great day, Mr. Irwin!" before he was limping through the door, narrowly escaping getting his bad ankle caught in the doorframe.

"Luke, wait!"

Luke froze, turning around to see Mr. Irwin in the doorway, leaning out to give him a smile. "Stop by my office after school, alright? I want to talk to you about something. It's nothing bad, I promise."

Luke nodded shakily, gulping when he saw Brandon, the unspoken leader of the bullies, at the end of the hallway. "Will do Mr. Irwin. I've really got to get to class though."

Mr. Irwin nodded, sending him off with a small smile.

Luke turned around and disappeared into the crowd, just barely managing to make it to his next class before Brandon would have gotten him.

;

Luke slowly limped back towards the music room, his head hanging. The halls were empty, school having let out a little while before, and all kids were eager to get home.

His ankle was screaming in protest with each step he took, an entire day of walking on it causing it to ache painfully. His eye was tender and bruised, as was his torso and his arm, where Brandon had grabbed him.

Taking a deep breath, he stopped in front of Mr. Irwin's door, self-consciously pulling the sleeves of his sweater down to cover his hands. He desperately hoped he'd be able to keep his teacher from seeing his eye, because that was a story he really didn't want to get into.

Slowly, he pushed the handle of the door down, opening it up and slipping inside, keeping his head down.

Mr. Irwin glanced up, smile lighting up his gorgeous face at the sight of Luke. "Luke! Glad you could make it."

Luke managed a weak smile, limping forward to sit in the seat next to his teacher's, dropping his bag beside him.

Mr. Irwin watched him with a frown, noting how the younger boy wouldn't look him in the eye, and was careful to keep his weight off of one leg. "Before we get into what I wanted to talk about, are you sure you're alright Luke?"

Luke nodded, fiddling with his sweater sleeves. "Yeah, m'fine."

He could tell Mr. Irwin didn't believe him, but the elder man was wise enough to drop it, turning around to grab a stack of the papers sitting on his desk. "I just wanted to tell you one on one that your last project was absolutely phenomenal, extraordinary even."

He placed the papers in front of Luke. Luke let his eyes skim over the familiar chords and notes and lyrics of the song he wrote for his last project, before a smidgen of blue ink at the top caught his eye. He leaned forward, getting a better look at it.

 _110_ , it read. _Great job! (-:_

Luke gasped, reaching his arm out to thumb over the mark. "Are you serious?"

Mr. Irwin nodded, smiling at him. "It was amazing Luke, and I thought it deserved just a little bit more than the usual grading point score allows."

Luke turned to beam at him, his thumb still swiping over the blue words like they'd disappear. "Thank you Mr. Irwin. Seriously, you don't know how much this means to me. Music is the one thing-"

He broke off when he realised Mr. Irwin's attention was no longer on him, but instead on his arm, the elder's eyes widened in pain and horror. Confused, he looked down to see his sleeve had slipped back a little bit when he moved, and his wrist was on display.

More importantly, his cuts were in plain view, the red wounds looking ghastly in the shitty light from overhead. It glinted off the already scarred parts of his arm, showing how truly destroyed Luke's arm was. The bruise from Brandon was a purple handmark above them, standing out in sharp relief to his pale skin.

Luke shoved himself back so hard his chair screeched across the floor, him hurrying to get his sleeve down to his hand. He curled his legs up to his chest, burying his face in them, shaking with the terror welling up inside of him.

This was his worst nightmare. He never wanted anyone to know about the either of the things, not about the bullying or the self-harm or _anything_.

He whimpered, curling tighter in on himself, heart pounding, stomach clenching, hands trembling. Pure, unaltered fear coursed through him, because fuck Mr. Irwin was probably going to tell the counsellors and then they'd tell his parents and it would be the _exact_ mess he was hoping to _avoid_ -

A soft hand curling around his good ankle broke him from his thoughts, and he blinked up through tear filled eyes to see Mr. Irwin looking at him with pained, gentle eyes.

"It's going to be okay Luke," he whispered, pulling the younger boy into his arms, hugging him tightly. Luke threw his arms around the elder man's neck, a ragged sob being torn from his throat, so sudden it almost _hurt_.

"Sh, sh, I promise it'll be okay," Mr. Irwin murmured, rubbing his back. Luke only hid his face in his teacher's neck, his body trembling with the force of his tears.

Eventually, the slow, steady sweep of Mr. Irwin's palm up and down his back was able to calm him down, enough to where he was able to breathe in and out shakily, still tucked up against his teacher's chest.

Mr. Irwin sighed, his voice a low rumble in Luke's ear when he spoke. "My sister used to do the same thing," he murmured. "She used to cut up her arms just like that. We found out about three years ago and enrolled her in therapy. She seemed like she was getting better, she was smiling and laughing and talking more."

He sighed, holding Luke tighter. "And then we got the phone call that she threw herself off the bridge near our house, with only a single letter addressed to me."

Luke blinked up at his teacher with fresh tears in his eyes, his heart breaking at the story he was being told.

Mr. Irwin looked down at him, his gorgeous eyes swimming with pain. "The reason I'm telling you this, Luke, is because all of us were devastated. She was my best friend, the person I loved the most, and she was gone."

"And now," he continued, gently taking Luke's hand and turning it over so that his wrist was in view again, "I want to make sure the same thing doesn't happen to you. You are loved more than you know, Luke. Your parents and your brothers would be heartbroken if anything happened to you. I don't know if you're contemplating suicide or not, but the fact that you do this scares me enormously."

He drew Luke impossibly closer to his chest, leaning back to open a drawer in his desk and carefully pull out what looked like a bracelet. He handed it to Luke. "I was going to give this to my sister the day we found out she killed herself. Now, I want you to have it, for when you think nobody cares."

Luke carefully took the bracelet, looking it over. It was simple, braided thread with a small metal plate in the middle. Looking closely, he noticed that the metal plate had an engraving on it, and when he brought it closer to his face, he could read what the words said.

_You are my world. I love you. - Ash_

Luke gasped, looking up at Mr. Irwin, tears bubbling from his eyes. His teacher stared back at him with an expression mirroring his, and without any words, Luke threw himself back at his teacher, winding his arms around his strong shoulders and sobbing hysterically into his neck.

Mr. Irwin just let him cry, rubbing his back soothingly, murmuring small words of comfort into his hair. He held the boy close, before reaching out and slowly sliding the bracelet onto Luke's wrist, very very gently stroking his thumb over the cuts afterwards.

"Can you tell me why, Luke?" he asked quietly, still running his thumb over Luke's ruined wrist.

Luke sniffed, fisting his teacher's shirt in his hands, keeping his head tucked under Mr. Irwin's chin so that he couldn't see his face. "It's just- I don't particularly like myself to begin with, I never did, and just, the bullying made everything worse and the only way I could get everything to stop and to make me feel better was this."

Mr. Irwin was silent for a long time, obviously thinking, before he leaned down and very gently pressed his lips to Luke's forehead. "Do you think you could promise me that you'll try to stop?"

Luke paused. "I don't know. I just- I need something to distract me from the pain that I feel on the inside, so it's always easiest to then feel pain on the outside."

"What if you texted or called me whenever you felt like you needed or wanted to?"

Luke furrowed his eyebrows. "You'd do that?"

His teacher nodded, reaching for his phone. "Just give me your number."

Luke looked troubled. "Mr. Irwin-"

"Call me Ashton," his teacher interrupted, glancing over at him. "There's no need for formalities when we're alone."

"Ashton," Luke tested the name. It felt weird to be calling his teacher that, but he couldn't deny the delight he felt. "Can't you get in trouble for that?"

Mr. Irwin - _Ashton_ \- laughed softly, handing his phone to Luke to put his number into it. "It's not as if it's a relationship, Luke. I want to make sure you're okay and safe and not hurting yourself, and also not getting hurt."

"I get hurt everyday," Luke murmured bitterly, though obviously not quiet enough, because Ashton heard him.

Ashton sighed, putting the phone down, looking Luke in the eyes. "Stay here with me after school, alright? Also come here in the mornings and for lunch, okay?" He sighed again, reaching up to thumb over the throbbing mark around Luke's eye. Luke jerked, having forgotten about the bruise in the past minutes. "I don't want this to happen again."

Luke bit his lip, unused to someone caring so much. "Okay."

"And please, please try to stop cutting, alright? It's going to be hard, we both know that, but please try."

Luke nodded, looking down at his phone as it buzzed, signalling a new text from an unknown number. He assumed it was Ashton, so he simply saved to as _Ashton_ for the time being.

Ashton drew him into a tight hug, kissing the top of his head. "I'm here for you Luke. If you need me, I'm always in this office, and I'm always just a phonecall or send button away."

Luke nodded, hugging his teacher back. "Okay. Thank you. For caring."

Ashton just squeezed him tighter in response.

;

In the weeks that followed, Ashton and Luke got closer and closer. Luke still found it kind of weird that his music theory teacher was becoming his best friend, but given how young Ashton was, and how silly he could actually be, he supposed it wasn't all that strange.

Often times, Luke spent much of his free time at school in Ashton's office, sometimes idly playing some of the instruments in the room, sometimes helping Ashton grade, sometimes helping him writing his lesson plans. Luke's favourite thing, though, was when the two of them just sat and talked for awhile, about nothing in particular, just talking.

Luke learned a lot about Ashton from those talks, learned that he had 2 younger siblings (that were still alive. After the first day, Ashton stubbornly refused to talk about the sister he'd lost) named Harry and Lauren, whom he loved with all of his heart. He learned that Ashton was almost 21, and had been smart enough to graduate when he was 16 and get his music theory diploma and teacher's license by the time he was 20. He learned little things like his favourite colour or song or band or movie or book, and Ashton had in turn learned that about him. Everything he learned caused Luke to fall more and more in love with him.

Ashton, true to his word, had been there for Luke no matter what, staying on the phone for hours until Luke was certain he wouldn't hurt himself, even though sometimes he did crumble, though never again on his wrists; Ashton had taken to checking his wrists everyday, to ensure Luke was alright.

Brandon still messed with him, though not as much, because Luke was never in the hallways long enough to get more than a few bruises and a shove against the lockers. The wounds he did get were nothing more than faint bruises and a broken mind.

That is, until the day Ashton had to go to a meeting at lunch time, something about a student doing poorly in his class. Luke was a little terrified, but turned down Ashton's offer to stay in the music office, saying that he was sure he'd be fine.

("Go to your meeting Ash, I'll be fine." Luke rolled his eyes, shouldering his backpack.

Ashton bit his lip, glancing at the clock. "I can reschedule the meeting for tomorrow morning..."

Luke giggled fondly, pushing his hair from his eyes. "I'm just going to get lunch, I swear I'll be okay. Go to your meeting, you're almost late as it is."

Ashton blew out a breath, stepping forward to press a quick kiss to Luke's forehead. "If someone so much as _breathes_ on you, I will get them expelled in a heartbeat," he said seriously, looking into Luke's eyes. "Promise me you'll be okay."

Luke smiled. "I promise.")

The promise was a little bit in vain, Luke thought bitterly, as Brandon slammed his shoulders back against the lockers, laughing in his face when Luke winced.

"Thought you could get away from me, eh fag?" Brandon sneered, smirking at him.

Luke wriggled in his grip, trying desperately to free himself. Brandon just growled and pushed him to the ground, aiming three brutal kicks at his torso.

Luke groaned, feeling the wind knocked out of him, a whimper falling from his lips when Brandon's foot slammed into an already tender part of his stomach.

"You're a disgusting piece of shit," Brandon laughed at him, hauling him up to lean him against the lockers, throwing punch after punch to his face, knocking his head back against the lockers, making Luke's vision blur.

"Stop!"

A shout rang through the hallways, making Brandon flinch back a little bit. Both boys looked to the side to see Ashton storming towards them, a murderous expression on his face.

Brandon looked terrified, but he still threw one more punch at Luke's cheekbone, this one enough to crack Luke's head back against the lockers for the second time, opening a wound on the back of his head. The warmth of the blood seeping into Luke's hair made his stomach turn uncomfortably.

Ashton finally reached them, pulling Brandon off of him and holding the boy by his collar as he glared at him. "What gives you the right to beat up another student?"

Brandon squirmed, terrified. "I-I- He's a d-dirty faggot a-anyways."

Luke watched Ashton's expression harden even more, if that was possible, and he leaned in to whisper something to Brandon that had the boy's eyes widening before he signalled to another teacher, passing off the bully when she got there.

"Take him up to the office and tell the principal he was beating up a defenceless kid," he ordered. "I'll be up there later to confirm."

The woman nodded, ushering Brandon up towards the office, but not before he levelled one last, brutal kick at Luke's ribcage, bellowing, "This is your fault!" before he was dragged away.

Ashton's expression softened as he knelt beside Luke's battered form, carefully pushing the blood soaked hair from his eyes. "Are you okay, love?"

Luke heaved out a sigh, smiling slightly through his split lip. "Guess I didn't hold up on my promise, huh?"

Ashton shook his head sadly, gathering Luke up into his arms, wincing when Luke gave a pained whimpered. He quickly carried Luke to his office, forcing himself to ignore the small noises of pain Luke was making.

Luke looked so small and frail, it broke Ashton's heart. He carefully set the younger boy down on his desk, brushing his thumb over his bruised cheek, trying to get him to look at Ashton.

"C'mon sweetheart, please look at me," Ashton murmured, resting his forehead gently against Luke's.

Luke glanced at him, his eyes dull and sad, face resigned. It made Ashton's stomach clench.

Ashton sighed, taking the hem of Luke's shirt in his hand, gently beginning to pull it up. Luke didn't stop him, only raised his arms slightly to make it easier.

Ashton wanted to throw up at the sight of the younger's chest.

Big, vivid blue and purple bruises stained the skin of his torso, some of them a dark black in the centre from the force of the kick. A few were weeping blood, the trauma having torn through the delicate skin. But that wasn't all that Ashton was looking at.

Small, neat rows of cuts were etched into the skin of Luke's hips, some red and obviously fresh, others white and no more than scars. They varied in width, some so thin they were almost non-existent, and others thick and puckered.

Ashton sucked in a breath, tears stinging his eyes. He let one hand gently cup over the boy's hip, thumb slowly rubbing circles against the damaged skin. Luke stiffened, his brain obviously having caught up, terror showing in his eyes.

Ashton let out a sob, pulling the younger boy into his chest, tucking his face into Luke's neck. Luke fisted his shirt in his hands, withering away into tears as he fell apart, screaming out against Ashton's collarbone.

"I'm sorry baby," Ashton gasped, pulling the younger boy tighter to him. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you, I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from Brandon or yourself, I'm sorry-"

He cut himself off, pulling away from the boy to cup his face, rubbing his thumbs against Luke's cheekbones, searching his eyes. "Luke," he whispered, reverence in his eyes and voice. "Luke you are so amazing and so wonderful and you are loved and I will spend the rest of my days making sure you know that."

"But why?" Luke whimpered, tears still steadily leaking from his eyes. "I'm not special or anything, why are you wasting your time with me. There's so many other people that are better-"

Ashton cut him off by ducking down to kiss him, holding his head in place with his hands on his cheeks.

Luke was shocked still for a moment, unable to process what was going on. Vaguely, he remembered that despite everything, Ashton was still his teacher, and he should probably be stopping this, but his mind blanked at how soft and warm his lips were. So Luke kissed him back.

Ashton gave a quiet hum, pulling Luke closer with the hand on the back of his neck. The kiss was soft and sweet, not hurried or rushed like all the other kisses Luke had ever experienced.

It amazed him how gentle Ashton was with him, almost as if Luke was a piece of delicate china, like if he pressed too hard he'd crack. Luke supposed that was the case, actually, but it still warmed his heart at how lovingly and carefully Ashton treated him.

Ashton pulled away, looking at him with soft eyes, brushing his hair back. "You are so loved Luke," he whispered. "I love you. I'm _in love_ with you. You are so beautiful and kind and talented and smart and you don't even see it."

Luke didn't answer, only leaned forward to press their lips together once more. He hoped the kiss was enough to show how much he loved Ashton back.

Judging by the glow in his eyes when he pulled back, Ashton got it. He indulged it for a little bit, before he ushered Luke to lie back against the table. Quickly, but carefully, Ashton bandaged all the cuts and scrapes, applying some ointment to the bruises to make them hurt less, before he drew Luke over to the sink and carefully washed the blood from his hair, bandaging the cut when he was done.

"We've got to go up to the office, make sure Brandon gets expelled," Ashton murmured, taking Luke's hand, thumbing over his knuckles.

Luke wrinkled his nose, carefully walking to the door, trying to keep from aggravating his wounds. "Fun."

Ashton chuckled, turning him around to kiss him again. "You'll be safe now. I promise. You won't get hurt ever again, not if I can stop it."

Luke smiled gently, kissing his cheek. "I know. I love you."

Ashton's expression softened. He reached out to draw Luke into a gentle hug, the move more so of a standing cuddle than anything else.

"Everything is going to be okay," Ashton murmured, and for once, it kind of seemed like it would be.

;

(Brandon was expelled, to Ashton's immense satisfaction. Luke couldn't help but feel relieved, knowing he could walk the halls freely.

Luke, not being able to keep anything from his mother, told Liz about his and Ashton's relationship, and surprisingly, she wasn't too freaked out. In her eyes, Ashton had saved her baby, since they'd also told her about Luke's cutting, and of the bullying. She welcomed Ashton with open arms.

Luke graduated not long before his and Ashton's birthdays, and he remembered the way Ashton's eyes blazed with awed pride, though his hands were clapping along politely just the way everyone else's were. Luke couldn't help but flush as he remembered the prize he got later that night, the memory of Ashton's body over his and the two of them rocking together always able to make heat steal over Luke's cheeks.

They immediately moved in together, where Ashton kept true to his word of making sure Luke never got hurt again.

Although, it was an uphill battle. Ashton threw out all of Luke's blades, and switched them to electric razors so that Luke couldn't break the blades out. Luke still found ways to hurt himself, with his nails and random sharp objects, until one day he woke up and realised he didn't need it. He was adamant on always saying he'd made the choice himself, that Ashton had nothing to do with it, because love didn't fix everything, and he knew that.

Years later, when they were older and 'wiser', with the sounds of their teenage son making breakfast for his younger sister, Luke looked over at his husband, and down at the bracelet he'd never taken off, and thought that yeah, somebody did care.)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! pls leave comments and kudos bc they make me so happy pls and thank u


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